Babyangel's Review
Story: // `` __iTz PossIbLe iF U TrY__ `` \\
Author: Babyangel
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/babyangel/
Reviewed By: Yamie
Title = 5/10
See past that Caps, fancy marks and Slangish spelling, I’ll say it’s quite a normal title. I’ve braved through the whole story, at least those that had been posted up, and I’m right here wondering, “What’s the link?”
I’ll give you a pass for the positive message in the title, other than that, I really don’t see much meaning in it.
Creativity of the story = 3/20
Would it be hurtful if I were to say I’m sorry? I spent 2 hours in front of the PC reading it, and all I wanted was to click the “Next” button. (Just for records, I am a fast reader who can finish a book in 3 hours…)
Plot wise, it’s an overused plot… especially among S.H.E and Fahrenheit fans, even the addition of Jolin did no magic to it coz there’s hundred and one S.H.E and Jolin love hate relationship fics in Winglin.
Language structure is horrible yet nothing new. For if the author was trying out for the worst language, there’s always someone else, and if she was trying to create a new style of writing, she failed badly too, coz it’s 50% of fics are written in this style. I don’t expect Fanfiction.Net standards, but at least something readable. A simple doormat with the word “Welcome” written on it has a better English standard than this.
I’ve tried to cover all areas in order to give more points but I really could not find any reason to.
Posters & background = 7/10
I’m judging it on two aspects ok?
First for creativity, I give you 5 marks coz this is the first time I have ever seen a moving poster, and I think that’s really great, I adored that idea.
Next, on the objective view wise, I won’t recommend using a motion GIF file, especially one bigger than 120px * 120 px. Reason being, gif files quality are not the brightest bulb in the mix if you know what I’m going to say.
In fact Jpg etc are way better, for graphic each time you save the quality gets worse, but in gif, the drop is more than in any others. And that’s why people use flash, png etc for bigger pictures… Gifs are almost not recommended if you are working on graphics… For this, I will have to take 3 marks off.
I hope the above will explain the roughness of the graphic itself.
Casts used =3 /5
I think it’s cool that you have done a cast intro in the forewords, though I find it somewhat similar to each other… which translate into, merely ground information and not tell us anyone.
I’m ignoring the personality part for this, just looking at the pairings. There’s nothing too surprising besides seeing Calvin with Jolin, it all the usual suspects. For following the flow, I give you a pass and that was all I could do.
Originality= 18 /20
I’m giving it all I can for originality.
Simply because the author had spent time type it out and thinking out the story. Efforts into making this fic better by doing her own poster has also been taken into consideration, hence I award her an 18 for this. This is the only thing I could do.
Storyline/plotting = 4/20
Storyline for all it matters, I think I am supposed to believe that the 4 couples will get together somehow someday, right? My questions are how and when? Coz so far, I’ve read mainly filters, and totally missing the point.
And just ask, what’s the idea with portraying Ella as one who keeps eating Hebe’s breakfast? Is it to show their friendship or simply some corny scenes to make one laugh? I really have no idea, and that goes for most of the scenes out there.
Plotting… well to be honest, I almost thought that it’s an acting script with all that cues flying everywhere, and the mono tone conversation. It’s basically like tell the readers; Character A will say this line in this scene with this action, now you imagine it! That’s it! No building of emotions at all, just bidding on the creativity of the readers to relate the story.
Not to be hurtful, but I have seen better scripts out there, and the author is most able to write a better one herself if I were to conclude from the few fics of hers I have read over these two days.
Spelling/Grammar = 0/5
My first spot of the day, first chapter first line:
Holding a fork using it to treaten Ella
Mistakes? Is it a spelling error or typo mistake in the word “Treaten”? Last checked, the word should be “threatened.”
Is it the Grammar problem or simply the lack of emotion?
I don’t know about others but something about “holding a fork using it to treaten Ella,” rubs me off in a bad way, very babyish and totally not twenty year olds... I’m not good at grammar myself but I would think that this might be better for the character development and perhaps more interesting?
Example:
Armed with a silver fork in hand, Hebe wielded it with the passion of a knight defending the castle; growling out threats to one greedy monster by the name of Ella Chen.
Another issue of the day is the missing of the one most basics rule in English…
Where’s all the punctuation? Where’s the quote marks and whoever invented the annoying way of using asterisks to show actions?
As far as I know, it’s a causal conversion thing for friends to joke and insert fun into online conversations, and most certain not in writing stories, essays or novels. Fine, once or twice, a couple here and there makes reading it fun, but to have it throughout one whole story with multi chapters, it would too overwhelm.
I shall not say anymore on it, it is all quite obvious. I was quite dismayed with the overall language of the fic, because I believe the author could do much better, her other fics had shown me that, imagine my disappointment and you would understand why I failed it.
Overall enjoyment = 2 /10
There’s only one way to save it, change the style, change the plot and get an action plan before writing, you’ll be amazed by how much it could do to the whole story.
In short, just get a new life it would make things so much better.
Total: 42 /100
A must read for those non-English fans, if you are one that disregards the language rules and whatever, you will love this fic. It deserves 5 thumb-ups for the wonderful after read effects.
Some of the wonderful effects I am currently suffering from would be heart-stopping, brain draining and fainting spells. Please kindly dial 995 before reading if you are a serious reader, we won’t be responsible for any death caused. Any action taken by you is at your own risk. You have been warned.
Note:
I am truly disappointed, there’s no word to express it. I never intended to fail this review but when I used the author’s former work as a benchmark, I was forced into it.
I’m so so so sorry for having to do this, and I really hope that you can see my points. As harsh as frustrated I had felt throughout the review, I swear that I have tried very hard to stay objective and supportive, I know my words probably don’t reflect that and I sounded so “high and mighty” when reviewing. But my stand stays, I KNOW you can do better and be better, that’s why I feel so hurt when I wrote this review. You are a fairly good writer, with more writing and carefulness, you will definitely improve. Please don’t let yourself fall into the role of pleasing others or feeling that you have to write in that way to get comments. You are a good writer, be proud of it. That’s all I could say to you. I wish you all the best for your future fics.
Author: Babyangel
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/babyangel/
Reviewed By: Yamie
Title = 5/10
See past that Caps, fancy marks and Slangish spelling, I’ll say it’s quite a normal title. I’ve braved through the whole story, at least those that had been posted up, and I’m right here wondering, “What’s the link?”
I’ll give you a pass for the positive message in the title, other than that, I really don’t see much meaning in it.
Creativity of the story = 3/20
Would it be hurtful if I were to say I’m sorry? I spent 2 hours in front of the PC reading it, and all I wanted was to click the “Next” button. (Just for records, I am a fast reader who can finish a book in 3 hours…)
Plot wise, it’s an overused plot… especially among S.H.E and Fahrenheit fans, even the addition of Jolin did no magic to it coz there’s hundred and one S.H.E and Jolin love hate relationship fics in Winglin.
Language structure is horrible yet nothing new. For if the author was trying out for the worst language, there’s always someone else, and if she was trying to create a new style of writing, she failed badly too, coz it’s 50% of fics are written in this style. I don’t expect Fanfiction.Net standards, but at least something readable. A simple doormat with the word “Welcome” written on it has a better English standard than this.
I’ve tried to cover all areas in order to give more points but I really could not find any reason to.
Posters & background = 7/10
I’m judging it on two aspects ok?
First for creativity, I give you 5 marks coz this is the first time I have ever seen a moving poster, and I think that’s really great, I adored that idea.
Next, on the objective view wise, I won’t recommend using a motion GIF file, especially one bigger than 120px * 120 px. Reason being, gif files quality are not the brightest bulb in the mix if you know what I’m going to say.
In fact Jpg etc are way better, for graphic each time you save the quality gets worse, but in gif, the drop is more than in any others. And that’s why people use flash, png etc for bigger pictures… Gifs are almost not recommended if you are working on graphics… For this, I will have to take 3 marks off.
I hope the above will explain the roughness of the graphic itself.
Casts used =3 /5
I think it’s cool that you have done a cast intro in the forewords, though I find it somewhat similar to each other… which translate into, merely ground information and not tell us anyone.
I’m ignoring the personality part for this, just looking at the pairings. There’s nothing too surprising besides seeing Calvin with Jolin, it all the usual suspects. For following the flow, I give you a pass and that was all I could do.
Originality= 18 /20
I’m giving it all I can for originality.
Simply because the author had spent time type it out and thinking out the story. Efforts into making this fic better by doing her own poster has also been taken into consideration, hence I award her an 18 for this. This is the only thing I could do.
Storyline/plotting = 4/20
Storyline for all it matters, I think I am supposed to believe that the 4 couples will get together somehow someday, right? My questions are how and when? Coz so far, I’ve read mainly filters, and totally missing the point.
And just ask, what’s the idea with portraying Ella as one who keeps eating Hebe’s breakfast? Is it to show their friendship or simply some corny scenes to make one laugh? I really have no idea, and that goes for most of the scenes out there.
Plotting… well to be honest, I almost thought that it’s an acting script with all that cues flying everywhere, and the mono tone conversation. It’s basically like tell the readers; Character A will say this line in this scene with this action, now you imagine it! That’s it! No building of emotions at all, just bidding on the creativity of the readers to relate the story.
Not to be hurtful, but I have seen better scripts out there, and the author is most able to write a better one herself if I were to conclude from the few fics of hers I have read over these two days.
Spelling/Grammar = 0/5
My first spot of the day, first chapter first line:
Holding a fork using it to treaten Ella
Mistakes? Is it a spelling error or typo mistake in the word “Treaten”? Last checked, the word should be “threatened.”
Is it the Grammar problem or simply the lack of emotion?
I don’t know about others but something about “holding a fork using it to treaten Ella,” rubs me off in a bad way, very babyish and totally not twenty year olds... I’m not good at grammar myself but I would think that this might be better for the character development and perhaps more interesting?
Example:
Armed with a silver fork in hand, Hebe wielded it with the passion of a knight defending the castle; growling out threats to one greedy monster by the name of Ella Chen.
Another issue of the day is the missing of the one most basics rule in English…
Where’s all the punctuation? Where’s the quote marks and whoever invented the annoying way of using asterisks to show actions?
As far as I know, it’s a causal conversion thing for friends to joke and insert fun into online conversations, and most certain not in writing stories, essays or novels. Fine, once or twice, a couple here and there makes reading it fun, but to have it throughout one whole story with multi chapters, it would too overwhelm.
I shall not say anymore on it, it is all quite obvious. I was quite dismayed with the overall language of the fic, because I believe the author could do much better, her other fics had shown me that, imagine my disappointment and you would understand why I failed it.
Overall enjoyment = 2 /10
There’s only one way to save it, change the style, change the plot and get an action plan before writing, you’ll be amazed by how much it could do to the whole story.
In short, just get a new life it would make things so much better.
Total: 42 /100
A must read for those non-English fans, if you are one that disregards the language rules and whatever, you will love this fic. It deserves 5 thumb-ups for the wonderful after read effects.
Some of the wonderful effects I am currently suffering from would be heart-stopping, brain draining and fainting spells. Please kindly dial 995 before reading if you are a serious reader, we won’t be responsible for any death caused. Any action taken by you is at your own risk. You have been warned.
Note:
I am truly disappointed, there’s no word to express it. I never intended to fail this review but when I used the author’s former work as a benchmark, I was forced into it.
I’m so so so sorry for having to do this, and I really hope that you can see my points. As harsh as frustrated I had felt throughout the review, I swear that I have tried very hard to stay objective and supportive, I know my words probably don’t reflect that and I sounded so “high and mighty” when reviewing. But my stand stays, I KNOW you can do better and be better, that’s why I feel so hurt when I wrote this review. You are a fairly good writer, with more writing and carefulness, you will definitely improve. Please don’t let yourself fall into the role of pleasing others or feeling that you have to write in that way to get comments. You are a good writer, be proud of it. That’s all I could say to you. I wish you all the best for your future fics.
posted by Viva - teamo at
12:35 AM
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