MY love

Title: My Love
Author: sweetxazngrlly
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/aznxgrl/
Reviewed by: xIaojO

Title: 5 / 10

Absolutely, your title did not really catch the attention of the readers much and by the look of the title it gives people a feelings that you are a new writer cause I have seen quite a couple of fan fiction using the title My Love but somehow there's a little differ with yours.


Creativity of the story: 13 / 20

There isn't really creativity in your story, where every parts I read there's a little similar with others story that was written by others author and truly you really follow the storyline of that show 'my girl' but just a suggestion from me is that try not to fully use the storyline, insert your own ideas and sparks up the whole story.

Poster & Background: 7 / 10

Your poster is really nice and suits your story of boa being the cute one and se7en was the cool one with no expression or maybe emotion but you can try to change the font colour that you are using now cause it tends to camouflage with the background you are using, as I have a hard time reading some of the words.

Cast Used: 5 / 5

There's nothing I can comment here so I gave you a full marks.

Originality: 10 / 20

The originality of your story did not really stands out a lot as the plot you are writing allows the readers to know what will happened next or maybe who will end up with who. As what you say, you took it from the show 'my girl' so most probably readers will know the ending so another suggestion for you is that you can have a slight twist somewhere in your story changing it into your own ideas.

Story / Plotting: 8 / 20

Mm, your story was not really well plotted as I don't really get to understand the scene very well cause you simply jump to another scene after you end each of them, whereas you did not gave a maybe title to the scene of where is it now. For example: [ se7en's home ] than you continue with you dialogue, and I can't find any interesting parts in your chapters so you can try inserting some cliffhanger into your chapters so that your readers may at least have a guess on what will happened next. P.S as what I read in your comments, no one did really comments on the chapters.

Grammer / Spelling: 2 / 5

Seriously, I spotted quite a numbers of grammer and spelling mistakes in your story.

For Example: (edited by reviewer)

Chapter 1

boa POV
i'm a 20 year old girl who don't have a decent job! Will i live as a waiteress for the rest of my life?i was seperated from my parents since birth and it turned out after i was born which there was a big fire on the day than i was born, i was raised up by my step mom until i turned 18. She died in a car crash and definately i cried but soon i got over it. Now i live in guri with my two of best friend dana and hyori


se7en POV
Nowadays, people in this world really got nerves, and i thought she was nice girl but cut me some slack i'm already busy enough helping my grandpa running the whole jewellery business.

boss-thats it!i had enough with you and you simply came late for work almost everyday and now you even argue with the customer! Actually i felt sorry for you since you don't have a parents and all, but can't deal with you anymore so i shall tell you one last time that you are FIRED!

Chapter 2

boa POV
stupid job!stupid life! i swear that he better not show up infront of me ever agian or else i'll smack him! just when i was going to find that guy, i saw his grandpa trying to pick up his newspaper so i walked forward to help him

applogize – apologize

boa-it's ok,it's you grandson anyway i don't get it why such a person like you would have a grandson like him.

Granddauter – grand-daughter

boa- Weird! i met the guy who got me fired and he took me off to be his sister and get paid..his grandpa always wanted another grandchild and i m the one he wants but i cant leave you guys and besides i hate him

auntie-well i have beautiful new housemate so she needs a beautiful room

auntie-your welcome,i'll let you get unpack your luggage. be down by 6 for dinner

deliciouse – delicious

boa-no,no1 it's just that i am not hungry yet cause i am still quite full,uh...may i be excuse looking at that food cause it make me wanna puke,you know i ate too much.

boa-well i love the sunshine and when the sun is up i m up too.
aunty-oh is like that when jasmine or choi wants to leave the home, other will leave too and its like following the leader except the leader changes it's mind.
boa-bae seul gi?oh my god!you are here!can i get your autograph!
Alright, this is part of the grammer and spelling mistakes I spotted but I don't think I can list all of them out so I just list out a few for your own reference.

Overall Enjoyment: 5 / 20
Seriously, I did not really enjoy myself in this story as don't really understand some of the part that you are writing or trying to express in the story. So try to plot your story first before posting it up.

Total: 55 / 100