The Phantom
Story: The Phantom
Author: Unknown
Title = 8/10
Looking at the title, I was reminded of the famous “Phantom of the Opera”, the image of having a unknown person looking out for the lead was formed in my mind. Afterall, a phantom is a “ghostly appearing figurine.
With that thought in mind, I read on feeling rather confused. Was I missing a point? Could the phantom be a creation of mind I wondered? For seeing phantom, is often said to be the beginning of madness. Yet, just when I started to believe, an unknown person appeared. So who or what is this phantom still remains unanswered to me.
The title is simple, straight, and very mind-probing (no, I was not talking Harry Potter language…) if you look deep enough. It would draw one to wonder deep into the story, wanting to know the whys, hows, wheres, whens and whos. Especially into the minds of Hebe and Aaron, wondering what exactly happened to them.
On the other hand, I have a slight concern over the title. It’s simple but not attractive to normal folks. To non-literature people, the title is more of a dry large pill to swallow.
Looking at the title, I was reminded of the famous “Phantom of the Opera”, the image of having a unknown person looking out for the lead was formed in my mind. Afterall, a phantom is a “ghostly appearing figurine.
With that thought in mind, I read on feeling rather confused. Was I missing a point? Could the phantom be a creation of mind I wondered? For seeing phantom, is often said to be the beginning of madness. Yet, just when I started to believe, an unknown person appeared. So who or what is this phantom still remains unanswered to me.
The title is simple, straight, and very mind-probing (no, I was not talking Harry Potter language…) if you look deep enough. It would draw one to wonder deep into the story, wanting to know the whys, hows, wheres, whens and whos. Especially into the minds of Hebe and Aaron, wondering what exactly happened to them.
On the other hand, I have a slight concern over the title. It’s simple but not attractive to normal folks. To non-literature people, the title is more of a dry large pill to swallow.
Creativity of the story = 14/20
A pat on the back for the forewords, I wasn’t expecting it. Interesting start to the story, as it brings us straight into the mood, though it isn’t really a poem and I was a teensy bit confused by the leaps of descriptions. The pattern is: House, Space, Feelings, Nature, Feelings, and End. In that way, it seems more like a play of words and grouping them together rather than working on a poem. Still, the idea was good.
A pat on the back for the forewords, I wasn’t expecting it. Interesting start to the story, as it brings us straight into the mood, though it isn’t really a poem and I was a teensy bit confused by the leaps of descriptions. The pattern is: House, Space, Feelings, Nature, Feelings, and End. In that way, it seems more like a play of words and grouping them together rather than working on a poem. Still, the idea was good.
Another fair bit of creativity would be how the writer mixed memories and present together to show the readers a mental image of how Hebe feels. I thought it is a good thing for it helps readers to understand the things or feelings Hebe has about Aaron. The comparison act was quite an opener. As much as I liked the idea, a little advice on the formatting would do wonders to it. Somewhere along the way, I was pretty confused about the past and present exchanges; I think it would only to be fair, if there is some kind of guidelines to warn readers of the change of scenes. The author did fairly well in the beginning but the lines between started to blur as the story goes on. Maybe a little more planning and tweaking to the plot would solve the problem.
Posters & background = 9/10
A feeling of a haunting melancholy mood appears when I see this picture. Very well done and definitely a match with the title. It says exactly what the readers need to know the leads, and some quotes to give a misty and mysterious feel.
Background wise, not very obvious brush marks but matches with the poster.
Posters & background = 9/10
A feeling of a haunting melancholy mood appears when I see this picture. Very well done and definitely a match with the title. It says exactly what the readers need to know the leads, and some quotes to give a misty and mysterious feel.
Background wise, not very obvious brush marks but matches with the poster.
Casts used = 3/5
Hmmm Hebe and Aaron appear to be the next hottest FLH and SHE couple in Winglin these days, is it their rank of being the youngest in the group or their personality?
I haven’t seen much of their real characters in the fic so far, so I can’t really judge. For Hebe’s developments, I would almost say very Un-Hebe like… That woman is too logical to step into such role, but I’m not denying her of anything… I’ll keep my fingers crossed for further development.
Hmmm Hebe and Aaron appear to be the next hottest FLH and SHE couple in Winglin these days, is it their rank of being the youngest in the group or their personality?
I haven’t seen much of their real characters in the fic so far, so I can’t really judge. For Hebe’s developments, I would almost say very Un-Hebe like… That woman is too logical to step into such role, but I’m not denying her of anything… I’ll keep my fingers crossed for further development.
Originality= 14/20
Err ho, this maybe unfair coz it just happened. But just for the records, when I read the first chapter, my mind was thinking of the latest SHE music video. The fact that it is similar was enough to throw me off, but coupled it up with the starring of Hebe Tien in her own song; the coincident just blew me off, and left me laughing. It’s just the timing... Otherwise for Originality I might have just rated it higher. Other than that, I won’t say that the story is a total original, as there is a fair bit of such plot running around in the world of FanFiction, but in Winglin, I would like to think that you are one of the few writers who can present the subject well enough. Especially in terms of language, the author had an upper hand than the other usual writers I’ve seen around Winglin.
On that note, well done!
Err ho, this maybe unfair coz it just happened. But just for the records, when I read the first chapter, my mind was thinking of the latest SHE music video. The fact that it is similar was enough to throw me off, but coupled it up with the starring of Hebe Tien in her own song; the coincident just blew me off, and left me laughing. It’s just the timing... Otherwise for Originality I might have just rated it higher. Other than that, I won’t say that the story is a total original, as there is a fair bit of such plot running around in the world of FanFiction, but in Winglin, I would like to think that you are one of the few writers who can present the subject well enough. Especially in terms of language, the author had an upper hand than the other usual writers I’ve seen around Winglin.
On that note, well done!
Storyline/plotting =12 /20
The biggest weakness of this fiction lies in its plotting. And clearly, the author knows it too well, for thoughts and worries about the plotlines were revealed in her author notes. That is almost a no no for an author because it simply means that the author had not thought it out the whole story, and plan it out. This not only will discourage readers from reading, it would in turn affect the pace of the writing and also force the author into a writer’s block. I’m not saying you have to plan everything beforehand, but at last have a rough guide, get your bearings right before you set sail… Otherwise you would either get lost in the sea, or worse results with an abandoned ship. I do see potential in the storyline and would most certainly encourage the writer to think over her plotlines and plan every character entrance and emotion peaks well. It all started out very nicely, but somehow along the way things started to happen and there’s not much of build up or anything.
The biggest weakness of this fiction lies in its plotting. And clearly, the author knows it too well, for thoughts and worries about the plotlines were revealed in her author notes. That is almost a no no for an author because it simply means that the author had not thought it out the whole story, and plan it out. This not only will discourage readers from reading, it would in turn affect the pace of the writing and also force the author into a writer’s block. I’m not saying you have to plan everything beforehand, but at last have a rough guide, get your bearings right before you set sail… Otherwise you would either get lost in the sea, or worse results with an abandoned ship. I do see potential in the storyline and would most certainly encourage the writer to think over her plotlines and plan every character entrance and emotion peaks well. It all started out very nicely, but somehow along the way things started to happen and there’s not much of build up or anything.
Spelling/Grammar = 4/5
A little of the tenses, typos were all I spotted. All in all, it’s a pretty smooth sail in the language. Nothing a double check or getting a beta won’t solve.
A little of the tenses, typos were all I spotted. All in all, it’s a pretty smooth sail in the language. Nothing a double check or getting a beta won’t solve.
Overall enjoyment = 6 /10
It’s a pretty pleasure read, with some interesting ideas in the making. If you’re either a Hebe or Aaron fan, do take the time to check out this fiction.
It’s a pretty pleasure read, with some interesting ideas in the making. If you’re either a Hebe or Aaron fan, do take the time to check out this fiction.
Total: 70/100
posted by Viva - teamo at
7:46 PM
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