Yah Nah review
Yah-Nah’s review
Story: The Wrong Princess To The Throne
Author: Yah Nah/moonlit
URL: http://winglin.net/fanfic/moonlit
By: Lydia
Note: Harsh review ahead, read at your own risk.
Title: 4/10
From the moment that I started reading, until the very end of this fic (which isn’t very long, considering the fact it only has 13 chapters), I could only have a very, very, very faint idea of what the title was talking about. I could procure absolutely nothing from your chapters, and hence, this low mark.
Creativity of the story: 5/10
The fic seemed to me as a parallel Goong (Princess Hours), so the marks for this section had to be pushed down a few notches. Also, most of the plot was rather clichéd, and it was pretty much obvious that you didn’t really bother to try and change some of these um, rather hackneyed storylines. This pretty much justifies the low mark here.
Poster and background: 5/10
I think there used to be a poster, but when I started reviewing this fic, all that appeared was a tiny red cross. There wasn’t really any design, so as to speak, but it was evident that you just stuck to the original font colours and all.
Cast used: 2/5
I didn’t managed to catch who was who in your story, mainly because you were just using their last name? This caused much confusion, and to be frank, I didn’t enjoy the story much because of your jumbled characters.
Originality: 9/20
Not much, as I mentioned earlier. I tried to pass you, but I couldn’t bring myself to. There was utterly nothing in the whole story that could be actually called “original” The used-to-death plotline was the worse; the characters seemed to have leapt out from cheesy romance novels. All in all: exceedingly banal.
Storyline/plotting: 10/20
The storyline is weak, much more could be done. For example, you could elaborate more on why Jun-Ki had suddenly turned into a cold and unfeeling person, rather than just saying that and abruptly abandoning that subplot there. Also, try to go into details about the other characters, like the other princes and Ji-Won’s respective friends.
What about her adoptive parents? What was it about her adoptive mother’s marriage that she didn’t want Ji-Won to emulate by hastily accepting the Royal Proposal? ALL of these would have made the story much smoother, and less jerky like your story currently is.
Also, it was pretty sudden that Gung (or whoever it is; as I said earlier, I was thoroughly exasperated with the characters that I couldn’t differentiate) wanted Ji-Won to love him. Why was it so sudden? You could have delved in deeper and explained why Gung wanted this to happen. Was it because he was tired of his girlfriend? Or? You could have added in all of these to make this part of the plot more realistic.
Your story moves extremely fast, jumping from one scene to another faster than I could say “Damn!”. It’s too fast, and the fact that you hardly probe into your cast’s emotional world, makes it hard for me to understand the whole story.
Spelling/Grammar: 2/5
One of your weakest aspects, there are misspelled words almost every alternate sentence.
Examples:
‘"If I am as speak, then why are you still married to a WRETCH like me?" Sang asked icily to the paper immediately.’ – If I don’t remember wrongly, the word ‘wretch’, is reserved exclusively for women? You could have rewritten the sentence as: ‘ “If I am as you say, then why are you still married to a unfeeling, useless man such as me?” Sang sneered as his gaze remained fixedly on the paper.’
‘Her dark hazel eyes gazed up to the sky and glistened her irises.’ – What, may I ask, ‘glistened her irises’? You could have added in that maybe, ‘the moonlight was dappled in her dark brown iris’, or something like that.
‘Soon the large group of friends erupted in a howling laughter.’ – “Erupted in howls of laughter”, more like.
There are more of such mistakes that I shan’t list out here, but I have a suggestion for you that may come in handy when you start a new fic: use Word to check your chapters for errors before posting them up. In this way, it would be easier for your readers, wouldn’t it?
Overall enjoyment: 2/10
Much of the cause of this low mark is attributed to the fact that I couldn’t differentiate one character from the other, and also, your ending was abrupt, and very disappointing. Your spelling and grammar also chipped in, and the pace of your story was too fast for my liking.
I hope I didn’t sound mean, but this was what I actually felt during the reviewing of this fic. It… just doesn’t have the ‘drawing power’, you know? I hope you’ll be able to try harder, and when the time comes, produce a top-notch fic.
Total: 39/100
Story: The Wrong Princess To The Throne
Author: Yah Nah/moonlit
URL: http://winglin.net/fanfic/moonlit
By: Lydia
Note: Harsh review ahead, read at your own risk.
Title: 4/10
From the moment that I started reading, until the very end of this fic (which isn’t very long, considering the fact it only has 13 chapters), I could only have a very, very, very faint idea of what the title was talking about. I could procure absolutely nothing from your chapters, and hence, this low mark.
Creativity of the story: 5/10
The fic seemed to me as a parallel Goong (Princess Hours), so the marks for this section had to be pushed down a few notches. Also, most of the plot was rather clichéd, and it was pretty much obvious that you didn’t really bother to try and change some of these um, rather hackneyed storylines. This pretty much justifies the low mark here.
Poster and background: 5/10
I think there used to be a poster, but when I started reviewing this fic, all that appeared was a tiny red cross. There wasn’t really any design, so as to speak, but it was evident that you just stuck to the original font colours and all.
Cast used: 2/5
I didn’t managed to catch who was who in your story, mainly because you were just using their last name? This caused much confusion, and to be frank, I didn’t enjoy the story much because of your jumbled characters.
Originality: 9/20
Not much, as I mentioned earlier. I tried to pass you, but I couldn’t bring myself to. There was utterly nothing in the whole story that could be actually called “original” The used-to-death plotline was the worse; the characters seemed to have leapt out from cheesy romance novels. All in all: exceedingly banal.
Storyline/plotting: 10/20
The storyline is weak, much more could be done. For example, you could elaborate more on why Jun-Ki had suddenly turned into a cold and unfeeling person, rather than just saying that and abruptly abandoning that subplot there. Also, try to go into details about the other characters, like the other princes and Ji-Won’s respective friends.
What about her adoptive parents? What was it about her adoptive mother’s marriage that she didn’t want Ji-Won to emulate by hastily accepting the Royal Proposal? ALL of these would have made the story much smoother, and less jerky like your story currently is.
Also, it was pretty sudden that Gung (or whoever it is; as I said earlier, I was thoroughly exasperated with the characters that I couldn’t differentiate) wanted Ji-Won to love him. Why was it so sudden? You could have delved in deeper and explained why Gung wanted this to happen. Was it because he was tired of his girlfriend? Or? You could have added in all of these to make this part of the plot more realistic.
Your story moves extremely fast, jumping from one scene to another faster than I could say “Damn!”. It’s too fast, and the fact that you hardly probe into your cast’s emotional world, makes it hard for me to understand the whole story.
Spelling/Grammar: 2/5
One of your weakest aspects, there are misspelled words almost every alternate sentence.
Examples:
‘"If I am as speak, then why are you still married to a WRETCH like me?" Sang asked icily to the paper immediately.’ – If I don’t remember wrongly, the word ‘wretch’, is reserved exclusively for women? You could have rewritten the sentence as: ‘ “If I am as you say, then why are you still married to a unfeeling, useless man such as me?” Sang sneered as his gaze remained fixedly on the paper.’
‘Her dark hazel eyes gazed up to the sky and glistened her irises.’ – What, may I ask, ‘glistened her irises’? You could have added in that maybe, ‘the moonlight was dappled in her dark brown iris’, or something like that.
‘Soon the large group of friends erupted in a howling laughter.’ – “Erupted in howls of laughter”, more like.
There are more of such mistakes that I shan’t list out here, but I have a suggestion for you that may come in handy when you start a new fic: use Word to check your chapters for errors before posting them up. In this way, it would be easier for your readers, wouldn’t it?
Overall enjoyment: 2/10
Much of the cause of this low mark is attributed to the fact that I couldn’t differentiate one character from the other, and also, your ending was abrupt, and very disappointing. Your spelling and grammar also chipped in, and the pace of your story was too fast for my liking.
I hope I didn’t sound mean, but this was what I actually felt during the reviewing of this fic. It… just doesn’t have the ‘drawing power’, you know? I hope you’ll be able to try harder, and when the time comes, produce a top-notch fic.
Total: 39/100
posted by Viva - teamo at
6:13 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home