Switched by xXSkyliteXx
Switched
Written by: xXSkyliteXx
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/xXskyliteXx/
Status of FF: Chapter 1 – 30 (completed)
Reviewed by: Cryselle
Title – 8/10
It’s quite a common title. I’ve read quite a few stories with more less thesame plot – they got switched.
Poster/background – 5/10
I can’t see your poster. No matter how many times I’ve refreshed the pagebut the poster still couldn’t be displayed. I supposed the link where yourposter was posted up was deleted. There is no background and all the coloursof the text are the original one when first created the account. Basically,you didn’t change anything.
Foreword – 8/10
It’s a nice introduction but you didn’t say anything about what is going tohappen when they got switched. You can extract some of the speeches used inthe later chapters to attract more attention. Overall, it’s okay.
Flow/writing quality – 12/15
It’s not very connected in a way. You can try linking things up. When youchange to the other character’s point of view, describe something around hersurrounding so readers can adapt to the change and know who you’re talkingabout. You just write ‘Hebe’s side or Selina’s side’ to tell the readerswhose point of view you’re writing. And you start writing about new thing.You can try to mention something of where you’ve stopped previously so the
Storyline/plot – 10/15
The later chapters are dragging especially the camping part where Selina forgot her memory for a while and Arron almost died. I find that there are alot of memories lost in your story – Selina and Hebe too. Maybe some parts are necessary to show they loved each other very much. But the Cyndi’s part and Jay’s parts are totally random especially when you explained later that Cyndi wanted to get Jiro just because she was jealous with Zax hugging another girl and to get him, he almost killed Selina. It’s weird in a way. You don’t have to kill a person without loving the person you wanted to get. That’s just psycho. And the Jay’s part, you’ve never mentioned about Jay as Hebe’s brother at the first place and suddenly he popped up as her brother. It somehow tells me that you’re putting whatever comes into your mind without planning it. It’s good to do a planning on what comes first and later and that makes your story link together – to emphasis on your reason for adding any parts in.
Originality/creativity – 8/10
The originality and creativity is there. Some examples are the Cannibal Island; Jay’s the ghost (this surprised me when I read about it) and the fairies (Rainie and Cyndi). There are special. Regarding the place they stay a tree to be exact), I’ve no comment on it as you can write whatever you like as it is your story. Though, I find it weird. Why can’t they live in places more high-class? Anyways, you get the idea and I don’t want to go into it.
Grammar/spelling – 10/15
There are not much spelling mistakes but grammar mistakes are here and there. It mostly caused by your sentence structure. There are some usages of verbs too. If the sentence structure is not right, the grammar that comes with it will be wrong too. There are some examples below: Hebe, being the kind person she is , immediately ran towards the story will link.
Casts used – 5/5
The casts used in the story are compatible. I personally am a Hebe andArron’s fan but not much of a Jiro and Selina’s fan. But Selina and Jirolook good together too even though I prefer Selina with Calvin. But it’sstill okay. =D
Overall enjoyment – 7/10
Basically, punctuation marks annoyed me a lot especially the dots andwithout space sentences. It’s like the words are stick together. I’m notcomfortable with it. But overall, it’s okay. The story – there areinteresting parts too.
Total marks – 73/100
Written by: xXSkyliteXx
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/xXskyliteXx/
Status of FF: Chapter 1 – 30 (completed)
Reviewed by: Cryselle
Title – 8/10
It’s quite a common title. I’ve read quite a few stories with more less thesame plot – they got switched.
Poster/background – 5/10
I can’t see your poster. No matter how many times I’ve refreshed the pagebut the poster still couldn’t be displayed. I supposed the link where yourposter was posted up was deleted. There is no background and all the coloursof the text are the original one when first created the account. Basically,you didn’t change anything.
Foreword – 8/10
It’s a nice introduction but you didn’t say anything about what is going tohappen when they got switched. You can extract some of the speeches used inthe later chapters to attract more attention. Overall, it’s okay.
Flow/writing quality – 12/15
It’s not very connected in a way. You can try linking things up. When youchange to the other character’s point of view, describe something around hersurrounding so readers can adapt to the change and know who you’re talkingabout. You just write ‘Hebe’s side or Selina’s side’ to tell the readerswhose point of view you’re writing. And you start writing about new thing.You can try to mention something of where you’ve stopped previously so the
Storyline/plot – 10/15
The later chapters are dragging especially the camping part where Selina forgot her memory for a while and Arron almost died. I find that there are alot of memories lost in your story – Selina and Hebe too. Maybe some parts are necessary to show they loved each other very much. But the Cyndi’s part and Jay’s parts are totally random especially when you explained later that Cyndi wanted to get Jiro just because she was jealous with Zax hugging another girl and to get him, he almost killed Selina. It’s weird in a way. You don’t have to kill a person without loving the person you wanted to get. That’s just psycho. And the Jay’s part, you’ve never mentioned about Jay as Hebe’s brother at the first place and suddenly he popped up as her brother. It somehow tells me that you’re putting whatever comes into your mind without planning it. It’s good to do a planning on what comes first and later and that makes your story link together – to emphasis on your reason for adding any parts in.
Originality/creativity – 8/10
The originality and creativity is there. Some examples are the Cannibal Island; Jay’s the ghost (this surprised me when I read about it) and the fairies (Rainie and Cyndi). There are special. Regarding the place they stay a tree to be exact), I’ve no comment on it as you can write whatever you like as it is your story. Though, I find it weird. Why can’t they live in places more high-class? Anyways, you get the idea and I don’t want to go into it.
Grammar/spelling – 10/15
There are not much spelling mistakes but grammar mistakes are here and there. It mostly caused by your sentence structure. There are some usages of verbs too. If the sentence structure is not right, the grammar that comes with it will be wrong too. There are some examples below: Hebe, being the kind person she is , immediately ran towards the story will link.
Casts used – 5/5
The casts used in the story are compatible. I personally am a Hebe andArron’s fan but not much of a Jiro and Selina’s fan. But Selina and Jirolook good together too even though I prefer Selina with Calvin. But it’sstill okay. =D
Overall enjoyment – 7/10
Basically, punctuation marks annoyed me a lot especially the dots andwithout space sentences. It’s like the words are stick together. I’m notcomfortable with it. But overall, it’s okay. The story – there areinteresting parts too.
Total marks – 73/100
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