Before the Last Leaf falls
Title: Before the Last Leaf falls
Author: JiShin
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/jishin5/
Reviewer: Fvone =)
Title = 8 /10
Nice choice here, exactly what the story is based on. Expresses clearly that everything would be revolving around the Last Leaf. Title is unique but not exactly catchy as I don’t think it’s able to stand out in the main page where there are so many other fanfics going around. But I do think that it’s easy to remember though, readers would find it relatively easy to keep track and follow up. However, there’s another story going on in Winglin currently which has a title that is very similar to yours (I can’t remember what is the exact title already). It might be confusing for readers who are reading both stories. =D
Forewords = 10 /10
Stated clearly that it’s a HS fic, which I find it a considerate point as not all readers accept such stories.
Could see that you included a prologue, which gives a slight overview of the characters involved and setting of the story. Language was beautiful and details are included. Vague enough to capture attention of readers yet did not divulge too much about the story. Keeps readers in suspense. Length of forewords is also appropriate. Good job! ^^
Posters & background = 8 /10
I think the main purpose of a background is to make it easier for readers to remember the story and keep it with it especially if there’s another story with a similar title. Readers might be reading plenty of stories at one go so having a poster leaves a deeper impression since more often than not, quotes as well as title of story can be found in the poster. Moreover, it’s also like an advertising banner to attract your readers’ attention. Without a poster, it might seem a little dull sometimes.
As for background, there’s nothing for me to pick on. Image is relatively clear, giving readers who do not know YunHo and JaeJoong a better idea of how they look like. As you know, descriptions can only go that far sometimes. Besides, I like the colour of the background. Orange-brown, bringing about an autumn feel, once again linking to the story. I suppose you did it by yourself since you did not credit anybody? In this case, I suggest you can add in some leaves to perfect the whole thing. =)
Casts used = 5 /5
As what I’ve stated in the previous review for your story, having 2 leads keeps the story focused so it would not drift too far away. Futhermore, having too many characters at one go would be confusing for readers who have no idea who are they. Besides, too many characters would also mean that the plot would be slightly more complex in order to accommodate everyone into the story.
Another thing I’ve noticed regarding the casts used is language; which I could elaborate in the other segment.
Originality= 20 /20
Perfect score for this segment, no doubt at all. Despite it being a HS fic, I don’t see the need for me to deduct any marks. After all, there are more male+female fics going on in Winglin than male+male fics. Thus, it would be unfair if I were to mark you down for this.
There are many reasons why I gave full marks for this segment but it all sums up to one word, ‘unexpected’. Your ideas are very creative; even the way they met was extraordinary. Moreover, I exceptionally like the part where JaeJoong said “Cause you’ve frozen the moment of departure”. A refreshing idea of including the usage of photographs in the story, which bonuses the entire thing but I feel that you can go further in for the descriptions as the photos do play a major role.
Storyline/plotting = 19 /20
Beautifully written, pure sweet love between the mains. Subjects brought up in previous chapters came out again in the next few chapters, showing through planning before penning down those words. Prologue also tallies with chapter 2. Wells, at least it shows that you planned a few chapters ahead.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary = 4 /5
You have a rather wide range of vocabulary, thus able to bring out the atmosphere in the story and, Choice of words are great, and you made good use of the surroundings to being out the misery of YunHo when JaeJoon left. Eg: stepping onto a dried leaf which crunched in silent protest. Woah, it’s of a great impact to me. ^^
I don’t think I’ve noticed any particular grammatical errors but the way you placed an ‘ah’ behind the name when they say it out kind of turns me off. (Eg: “YunHo ah...I love you.”) I understand that most Koreans literally say it in real life but when it appears in fanfic, it would seem too deliberate and awkward. It is not suitable to be placed into words as it is very real-life, where one would say it unknowingly. Besides, it would be rather anti-climax when the scene is so romantic and yet the language is queer. I hope you do understand what I’m trying to say here.
Style of writing = 10 /10
I feel very comfortable while reading your story because everything is very clear. Sentences are well-structured and concise, straight to the point. Paragraphing is also done adequately, not too long till the stage where readers would get lost in the sea of words and not too short either. Interchanging from descriptions of surroundings to actual thoughts and dialogues is also done smoothly with no awkward twists. Your pace of the story is also very suitable, no feelings of being rushed at all. Nice one! =D
Overall enjoyment = 10 /10
I enjoyed myself tremendously. I can really picture the entire scene in my mind, and all I could say is that you can really write very well. Plot is simple and refreshing because I’ve never heard of the myth so it’s actually very new to me. I wonder if you came it up yourself or is there really such a saying?
Total: 94 /100
A happy ending and I’m glad of that. God knows that I’m still depressed over your previous story because they weren’t together in the end! This is a well-written fic which can make readers have their eyes glued onto the screen till the end, finally letting out a sigh which do not contain any sadness but all of ‘thank god they got together’. I love it, and thanks for writing such a great story. =]
P.S: I think I’m pickier for this fic because your previous one had totally blown me off my feet!
Author: JiShin
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/jishin5/
Reviewer: Fvone =)
Title = 8 /10
Nice choice here, exactly what the story is based on. Expresses clearly that everything would be revolving around the Last Leaf. Title is unique but not exactly catchy as I don’t think it’s able to stand out in the main page where there are so many other fanfics going around. But I do think that it’s easy to remember though, readers would find it relatively easy to keep track and follow up. However, there’s another story going on in Winglin currently which has a title that is very similar to yours (I can’t remember what is the exact title already). It might be confusing for readers who are reading both stories. =D
Forewords = 10 /10
Stated clearly that it’s a HS fic, which I find it a considerate point as not all readers accept such stories.
Could see that you included a prologue, which gives a slight overview of the characters involved and setting of the story. Language was beautiful and details are included. Vague enough to capture attention of readers yet did not divulge too much about the story. Keeps readers in suspense. Length of forewords is also appropriate. Good job! ^^
Posters & background = 8 /10
I think the main purpose of a background is to make it easier for readers to remember the story and keep it with it especially if there’s another story with a similar title. Readers might be reading plenty of stories at one go so having a poster leaves a deeper impression since more often than not, quotes as well as title of story can be found in the poster. Moreover, it’s also like an advertising banner to attract your readers’ attention. Without a poster, it might seem a little dull sometimes.
As for background, there’s nothing for me to pick on. Image is relatively clear, giving readers who do not know YunHo and JaeJoong a better idea of how they look like. As you know, descriptions can only go that far sometimes. Besides, I like the colour of the background. Orange-brown, bringing about an autumn feel, once again linking to the story. I suppose you did it by yourself since you did not credit anybody? In this case, I suggest you can add in some leaves to perfect the whole thing. =)
Casts used = 5 /5
As what I’ve stated in the previous review for your story, having 2 leads keeps the story focused so it would not drift too far away. Futhermore, having too many characters at one go would be confusing for readers who have no idea who are they. Besides, too many characters would also mean that the plot would be slightly more complex in order to accommodate everyone into the story.
Another thing I’ve noticed regarding the casts used is language; which I could elaborate in the other segment.
Originality= 20 /20
Perfect score for this segment, no doubt at all. Despite it being a HS fic, I don’t see the need for me to deduct any marks. After all, there are more male+female fics going on in Winglin than male+male fics. Thus, it would be unfair if I were to mark you down for this.
There are many reasons why I gave full marks for this segment but it all sums up to one word, ‘unexpected’. Your ideas are very creative; even the way they met was extraordinary. Moreover, I exceptionally like the part where JaeJoong said “Cause you’ve frozen the moment of departure”. A refreshing idea of including the usage of photographs in the story, which bonuses the entire thing but I feel that you can go further in for the descriptions as the photos do play a major role.
Storyline/plotting = 19 /20
Beautifully written, pure sweet love between the mains. Subjects brought up in previous chapters came out again in the next few chapters, showing through planning before penning down those words. Prologue also tallies with chapter 2. Wells, at least it shows that you planned a few chapters ahead.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary = 4 /5
You have a rather wide range of vocabulary, thus able to bring out the atmosphere in the story and, Choice of words are great, and you made good use of the surroundings to being out the misery of YunHo when JaeJoon left. Eg: stepping onto a dried leaf which crunched in silent protest. Woah, it’s of a great impact to me. ^^
I don’t think I’ve noticed any particular grammatical errors but the way you placed an ‘ah’ behind the name when they say it out kind of turns me off. (Eg: “YunHo ah...I love you.”) I understand that most Koreans literally say it in real life but when it appears in fanfic, it would seem too deliberate and awkward. It is not suitable to be placed into words as it is very real-life, where one would say it unknowingly. Besides, it would be rather anti-climax when the scene is so romantic and yet the language is queer. I hope you do understand what I’m trying to say here.
Style of writing = 10 /10
I feel very comfortable while reading your story because everything is very clear. Sentences are well-structured and concise, straight to the point. Paragraphing is also done adequately, not too long till the stage where readers would get lost in the sea of words and not too short either. Interchanging from descriptions of surroundings to actual thoughts and dialogues is also done smoothly with no awkward twists. Your pace of the story is also very suitable, no feelings of being rushed at all. Nice one! =D
Overall enjoyment = 10 /10
I enjoyed myself tremendously. I can really picture the entire scene in my mind, and all I could say is that you can really write very well. Plot is simple and refreshing because I’ve never heard of the myth so it’s actually very new to me. I wonder if you came it up yourself or is there really such a saying?
Total: 94 /100
A happy ending and I’m glad of that. God knows that I’m still depressed over your previous story because they weren’t together in the end! This is a well-written fic which can make readers have their eyes glued onto the screen till the end, finally letting out a sigh which do not contain any sadness but all of ‘thank god they got together’. I love it, and thanks for writing such a great story. =]
P.S: I think I’m pickier for this fic because your previous one had totally blown me off my feet!
posted by Viva - teamo at
7:30 PM
1 Comments:
Hi girl! =)
I'd like to extend my deepest thanks to you for the review! ^___^ I appreciate your advices and will surely look out for them in future =) As for my previous fic, I must say I was pleasantly surprised that it had impacted you and nonetheless it's a great honour!
Thank you once again and God bless! =D
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