The Long Wait

Title:The Long Wait

Author: sn0wiie

URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/sn0wiie/

Reviewer: Miyuki

Title: The Long Wait 8/10

Maybe you could've chosen a more intriguing title, but this one is nice all the same. It sounds down but there is a ray of hope in his/her voice, keeping him/her going.

Foreword: 9/10

It was an attentive forewards which allowed readers an insight of the cast's inner lives and their own personal thoughts. The P.O.Vs were a good idea. Although I have praised your forewards, I still find a downfall in them. It does not exactly tell the readers what the story is about. Although you may be wanting them to find out for themselves as the story progresses on, but as you might have realised, at the back of books there is a thing called a blurb. A blurb gives a brief introduction to the story telling the readers what to expect. But from your cast profile, all we have gathered is that there probably would be some sort of ... disagreement? Argument? Between the poor orphans and the rich kids Hebe, Angela, Ella, Jiro, Aaron, Calvin, and Wu Chun (Chun) respectively.

Poster&Background: 5/10

The poster didn't really suit the title. Yes, it was dark and gloomy, like the title, except it didn't really bring out the tragicness of the title. 'The Long Wait' suggests something heartbreaking has happened, and the girl or boy lead has to wait a long time for the other to come back. The background was just a slightly larger version of the poster, so same comments to it also.

Character(s) Used: 5/5

Yes, I like the mixture.

Originality: 15/20

Well, I find the bit about Baddie and Aaron along with the rock a bit exaggereated. I mean, if it is a sharp rock, how sharp can a rock lying by the pavement be? Even if it was extraordinarily sharp, it wouldn't exactly hurt him like that. But anyway, your story was rather interesting at the beginning, but as it slowly progressed onwards, I found that it started to drag a bit. Everything was just so complicated, but your idea of adding crime into what seemed like a typical love story was intriguing.

Story&Plotting: 15/20

Your story, as I have mentioned above, is very fascinating. Your plotting seems well and organised although sometimes

Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 8.5/10

Your spelling was satisfactory and praiseworthy though there were minor mistakes. Your Grammar wasn't exactly atrocious, but then again, to have perfect Grammar is a very hard thing to achieve! Although, yes, this area has room for some polishing and amendment, it is still quite good. Under the Vocabulary area, you could use a thesaurus and replace some often used words instead to make it more interesting. However, that is my opinion, your story is fine.

Overall Enjoyment: 14/15

Overall, this was an exciting story with two genres that I enjoy. It was engaging at times, and others, not. I found it gripping, readable, engrossing and enthralling. This has been one of the few fanfictions that I have actually enjoyed immensely and not fallen asleep through it while reviewing. I deeply urge you to complete this fanfiction and tell me when you do finish cuz I'll be there, commenting! In my opinion, the love web was very confusing. All the 'fall in love with one person and next thing you know they likes another'. Your whole quotes idea was very good. It helped deepen the whole atmosphere =]

Personal Opinion:Ehhs, I just noticed, all three reviewers from deliri0us, ffaddicts and Viva Teamo gave you quite near the same marks. So, keep our advice in mind and you'll improve! Umm, sorry if I hurt you verbally in any way.

Total Marks: 79.5/100